How Massive Human Rights Violations Affect Your Mind, Body & Soul.

By Anonymous

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I don’t even know how to begin to describe how revelations such as I have had in my adoption case and that of my likely twin sister have affected my mind, body & soul. Suffice it to say that I have expended thousands of hours and thousands of dollars and enormous amounts of energy trying to figure out my convoluted cases which involve 4 girls in 2 separately twisted, yet elaborately intertwined cases. I have chased down so many winding rabbit holes which have led nowhere that it has become second nature to do so. I have been to the darkest places in my life, and have had to confront the stark reality of dealing with the residual effects of a non-democratic country’s mentality when facing the past. Going through a process like this changes you so fundamentally that you can’t even recognize yourself anymore. You realize that you’ve been gaslighted so deeply throughout your life, that you begin to question your own reality and your own sanity.

The fact that my case is just one of so many convoluted Korean adoption cases deeply wounds me. I am connected to so many other Korean Adoptees around the world who share their own sorrows and disappointments across the hellscape that can be trying to find the missing pieces of your own identity, which should be rightfully yours. This may sound dramatic, but only those who have had to confront a situation when they are unable to obtain basic information about their birth parents, siblings, or twins or even triplets can understand the intense psychological trauma that can ensue when they are routinely denied access to such basic information. There are times when I find myself literally trying to scrape my eyes out. While some Korean Adoptees have simple cases and therefore simple experiences when dealing with their Adoption Agencies, the experience of those of us with incredible human rights violations involved face a lifelong uphill battle which frankly, most of us will lose.

Yet some Korean social workers seem to treat this as a game. And US / other Western social workers are no better, capitalizing heartlessly on Adoptees’ desire to know their origin.

At the end of the day, all we have is the moral authority to condemn the decades of gaslighting, lies, and misdirection rained down upon our heads by our Korean and Western Adoption Agencies. But even if we are Right - it takes enormous effort and fortitude to keep going when the odds are stacked so greatly against us.

There’s no simple Hallmark answer to this - there is just the unending battle to gain information about our fractured pasts.